What do I do when I don't have anything to say in therapy?

When I begin to work with a new client, one of the first questions I will ask is, "How will we know when therapy is done?" This question serves a unique purpose in that the client is able to stop and think about what it is he or she wants to get from therapy before the process even begins. It is important for a client to develop goals with her therapist and help him or her work together to create a road map of "how to get there from here". Often times, my clients report feeling much better after just one or two sessions. This makes sense. For many people, even making the decision to start therapy can produce a change in the right direction! This is usually because when someone begins therapy, he or she is at a place in which "the pot has already begun to boil over." Sometimes, that very first session can take the heat down a notch. But just because the water isn't boiling, doesn't mean it isn't hot to the touch.

What many clients don't seem to understand is that once things start to feel better, this is the time when most long-lasting change will occur. Usually when people are in a good space, and conflict is at bay, they have a much better sense of how to problem-solve. It is during these times, the times of calm, in which a client can make his most growth because he is able to successfully practice the skills needed to make good decisions and solve dilemmas. Change is hard, and just like anything that is hard to do, it takes practice to learn. The key to understanding when therapy is complete is to develop goals and talk about what things will look like when you've met them. Once you have made goals, review them often, and change them as necessary. Despite the common belief, therapists are not mind readers. We have no Jedi mind tricks to figure out what our clients are thinking. So, tell your therapist when you feel like your direction is changing. Let him or her know that you would like to review your goals and discuss what is working and not working for you. And, tell your therapist when you feel like you might be avoiding certain difficult issues. Hopefully, you'll be at a place with your therapist in which he or she will give you an honest opinion about what goals seem to make sense for you. Together, you and your therapist can piece together a road map that is just for you. It's easy to do when you're the one building all the roads from here to there. Just remember, you'll never get there if you don't know where you're going!
Find out more about Mike at www.reachfamilytherapy.com